


Swapped

by Skysquid22



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: AU, Angst, Bodyswap, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-05 22:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11587119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skysquid22/pseuds/Skysquid22
Summary: Rafael Barba woke up one morning not feeling like himself. Only to realize hereallywasn't himself.





	1. Wake up Call

**Author's Note:**

> That's right! It's a body swap AU! I heard we need more Crack fics here so... here's this. This took like a month to write and here's a note going forward.
> 
> When you see Sonny or Rafael (and other affiliated nicknames...) it's referring to their consciousness not their body. I'll explicitly say when it's referring to their body otherwise use context clues. Breaks in the writing will tell you the characters perspective has changed. These were the main reasons why this took so long to write, it was confusing. 
> 
> ((Also I know... Very creative title. Also updates might not be great since I still need to finish this story and clean it up and I wanted to post this on my birthday so here we are.))

The alarm was incessant and annoying. Not unlike the log of a body pressed up against his back. 

Barba opened his eyes to find himself on the other side of the bed, away from the alarm. Usually he would find himself right next to it, because Sonny couldn’t be bothered to wake up to stop it. But, this wasn’t the first time he was on the opposite side of the bed, where Sonny usually slept. Last night, there was a small passive aggressive argument that escalated a bit and left him tired, but still fired up enough to be still pissed at him this morning. He must of been so exhausted from _Work_ and that stupid two-sided rant afterwards that he unknowingly slept on Carisi’s side. Ah well. Not like it mattered anyway. Though, Sonny still might try and bring it up.

Still half asleep he swung his legs off the bed and got up. There was some displeased grunts from the loss of body heat from his other half, but he remained hidden under the covers and put up no fight. Rafael walked to the other side and turned off the alarm, no need of setting it again for when Carisi had to rise for work. After he would take a shower Barba would wake him up to both notify that it was his turn in the shower and to get ready for work. Even when he was still mad at him, he will give him his precious few minutes of sleep. 

When Sonny first approached the subject he said, “I know I could probably use that time to make you coffee or somethin’, but Rafi, do you think you can let me sleep in a little longer? I have work later anyway.” And then he gave Barba puppy eyes and dammit---that did the trick.

It worked well honestly. Barba woke up sooner to get to work earlier, and he got home before Sonny. Most of the time anyway. Some nights he worked in his office late so when he did leave it was either arriving the same time as Sonny (give or take) or after he got back from work. Work, work, work, work, work. God, it seemed their entire life was work.

But now wasn’t the time to get back into the arguments made yesterday. No matter how strong his inner lawyer sense was tingling to get in and rip his argument to shreds and feed it to his loved ones for dinner. He took a large breath through his nose and grabbed some clothes. He padded to the bathroom still groggy, but was waking up with the notion that _something_ was wrong. Couldn’t place what though.

Just there was feeling at the back of his mind that something was out of place. Not correct. Something askew. This sensitivity usually only happened in court right before the verdict. His hunch was never wrong there. 

Cautiously now, Barba flipped a switch and artificial light flooded the masterbath. When he turned to the mirror the shave and brush his teeth he saw blue eyes and screamed. 

-

Ok maybe that alarm didn’t wake him at all, but Barba moving away to get ready for work put him in a half-lucid state and after the alarm turned off he started to slip back into comfort and into the confines of soft, warm, sleep… 

Not before a scream startled him awake. That was definitely louder than the alarm. Sonny stumbled out of their bed and bumbled his way into the bathroom, the source of the noise. Quickly looking around he spotted a curled up mass sitting on the tile. It was him. Thin, blue eyed, blond haired _him_.

His copycat looked at him and gave another scream, at this rate the neighbors would be worrying about them. Well, maybe not, the master bath and bedroom were both semi-sound proof. Pro or Con depending on who you ask.

The man who looked exactly like him had both his hands on the side of his cheeks and kept darting his eyes between Sonny’s eyes, back and forth, back and forth. The real Sonny couldn’t stand looking at him any longer, it was creepy and wait hold on. Where was Raf? Panic wormed his way into his mind and infested there like a parasite. Looking around rapidly he caught himself in the mirror and stopped in his tracks. Deep down he’d hope the mirror would confirm his sense of self. It didn’t. It made it all worse, _much worse._

-

Barba watched his body look into the mirror and still, then it walked closer like the mirror was making a mistake and started to white knuckle the granite counter. “Oh god.” He heard his body say and replaced one of his hands to his neck. He was investigating the source of the sound like he couldn’t believe that’s his inflection.

“What, what... eep!” _His_ voice, _Sonny’s_ voice, it was that familiar Staten Island drawl only he was in control of it now. He knew all those times he silently wished for the detective to stop talking would backfire on him.

Rafael would be embarrassed about the amount of times he’s screamed by now as well as the high pitched noise he just made, but all he’s concerned is what is he supposed to do now. Was Sonny in his body like in the way he’s in his? He shifted his hands from his cheeks to over his mouth. “I-I have your voice.” Rafael tested the accent out. 

“You have mine.” He replied. Wait maybe he was right. He’s in Sonny’s body and maybe Sonny is in his. No better way than to test it out, he was worried where he could be if he’s correct then it’ll dispel that worry.

“Sonny?” The body from the floor croaked.

“Raf?” The body from above whispered back.

God it was weird seeing _his_ own body say _his_ own name in _his_ own voice. It seemed Sonny though the same way, he slowly lowered himself down to Barba’s level on the ground. “You’re really Raf? In-In my body?” He sounded terrified and small. A striking contrast to the larger than life demeanor of regular Rafael. He nodded slowly, gaining more confidence into the nod as he went along. 

Quite abruptly Sonny took the final leap and hugged him. The angle was awkward considering Barba was slumped up against the wall, however at least he got to witness what it was like to (essentially) hug himself. He never really forgot how short he was, defense attorneys were committed to gain any leverage on Barba, that included sizing themselves up. But, being hugged by his own short stature gave a dizzying effect and a dose of reality. As Sonny pulled away he thought that he must be thinking the same thing in reverse. 

Carisi’s hands never left his body, they stayed in Barba’s palms gripping his hands. There was just a minute of them looking at each other, waiting for their breathing to calm down. 

“Now what?” Sonny said, releasing one of his hands in favor of combing it through his hair. He seemed disappointed that there wasn’t the same amount his real body had.

Barba would laugh at his dejected expression but, Carisi raised a valid question. Now what, indeed. Now, usually he would be getting ready for work. 

_Work._

Forget the arguments made yesterday, how were they going to show up for work? They must be running a little late by now. The panic must of shown on his face because immediately Sonny began to his calming ritual of relaxing Barba. Part of it anyway, it’s actually a lot longer but they’re kinda short for time at the moment. 

Rafael always loved that part about Sonny. The perfect way he could read him, even when it’s not his own body. Hold on, was he that obvious that even a different set of muscles couldn’t phase Sonny? Or maybe Sonny knew him for so long and have being his boyfriend for over a year and a half now he could just read him no matter what. Barba wasn’t sure what reality he was in with that, but he had to focus here.

“Work.” Sonny’s face soured for a split second then softened at the implication, no fighting at the moment. Well that answers both realities right there. Or none since this was ‘I talk with my body’ Sonny Carisi. Still his muscles have to be pretty expressive. “What are we going to do about work.” He didn’t phrase it as a question, it came out more like a statement.

He swallowed and followed the motion of his body’s adam's apple. “The only thing we can do. Pretend nothing is wrong.” In a different context they’ve already been doing that and working with detectives has them at a disadvantage. They never brought it up though. Probably has something to do him. Rafael knows how scary he can be and he relishes it shamelessly. 

Back on track, Sonny is right. They really don’t have a choice. Kicking into gear he pointed at his body and said, “You take a shower. You have to go to work soon.”

-

Good god what was happening. Hugging Barba was weird and also comforting. It normally brought relaxation to the fact that yes, Rafael was indeed here. That’s what it usually did anyway, it did something similar though. Providing straight up comfort. But, Sonny was more hung up on the fact that he was really tall. Well, he already _knew_ that, but this is what Barba feels when he gets a hug from him? Didn’t happen often enough frankly. He could see why it soothed Rafael down so much and why under high stress highly publicized situations he would pull him into a room and just hug and be hugged. They were rare but well deserved. 

It didn’t keep him calm for long though. Sonny asks what they do from there and runs a hand through disappointingly short hair. Then he notices the wave of anxiety running through his partner and begins to sooth him. He murmurs ‘ok.’ and ‘It’s going to be alright.’ in an effort to relax him even though he had every right to be freaking out. 

In fact as Barba points out, they should be freaking out, because they have work and what are they going to do about that? His mind races for an idea and throws one out there. The only way they’re going to make this work is to pretend that nothing is wrong, they totally didn’t wake up in separate bodies and _I have no idea what I’m doing because I don’t have his thoughts and knowledge on how to do this and_ \---maybe Rafael should be doing his own calming ritual on him. 

Luckily for Sonny he’s dating someone who is smart as they are sarcastic. Rafael points at him and tells him to take a shower because they’ve got work. _And work to do,_ he thinks minutely. Then with newfound determination Raf thrusts his pile of clothes into his hands and gets up to leave. Sonny follows him with his eyes, he briefly wonders if it’s weird if he checks himself out. Yeah probably.

Carisi shuts the door and prepares to take a shower. Shower now other thoughts later. Barba likes to wear a t-shirt and pajama pants when he sleeps, suppose being self-conscious about your body would do that to you. No matter how many times Sonny tells him that he loves his body he seems adamant about sleeping in it. If he’s more comfortable that way, so be it. 

He can’t take as long as a shower as he normally does, got to get ready for work after all. As he steps out and dries off it suddenly occurs to him that he can’t do his hair like he normally does it. He’ll need Barba’s help to get it right and as real as possible. 

Still having a towel wrapped around his waist he opens the door and gets a whiff of fresh coffee. “Raf! Rafi!”

Sure enough Barba comes walking down the hall with his body’s own sleepwear on. It’s tiny on him, but to Raf it’s better than just the boxers he, being Sonny, wears. “What?”

“Kinda have to complete the look for me.” He motions to his hair. Barba scoffs in reply and enters the bathroom with him. Taking out gel and a comb he quickly gets to work on the hair. “It’s really weird how you’re taller than me now.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let the power get to your head. We will have to deal with this situation after work. And by the way, you’re going have to act like me so start practicing now.” Barba says as he parts the hair. “You’re lucky you don’t have court today.”

Sonny patiently waits until he’s done before saying, “Well I have that going for me and don’t worry, have you seen my undercover work? I can handle pretending to be you. But can ya pretend to be _me?”_ He snickers, “Now _that_ is the true test.” 

“I can handle it.”

Sonny makes a buzzer sound as he gathers his clothes, “You already failed. Act a bit more… _Sunny.”_ Barba’s face sours and already has him out the door, clothes in hand, saying, “Out, out, _that was awful,_ you can give me tips after my shower.”

The door is almost slammed but to his joy Barba catches it and closes it softly. Sonny moves toward the center of their bedroom and lays out his clothes. He didn’t need to guess what he wears, but that would have been nice to do. Rafael would catch on if he changed and would demand that he pick out the clothes he’d wear because _you have to act like me. You will dress better than you normally do._ Man that will make him happy. Forget all that trouble, Barba was always glad to see something a little more expensive on him than he normally wears. Besides they’re on the fast track to being late, no need to make it harder.

As he puts on his armor (as he likes to call it) he can hear a shout from the shower, “You used all the hot water?!”

“Now you know how I feel!” He retaliates and laughs. 

Rafael always takes quick showers so within minutes he’s done and already has his slacks and an undershirt on when he walks out and shamefully walks into the kitchen where Sonny is enjoying his coffee. Barba eyes the mop of brown hair on his head and pleads, “The hair?”

Taking mercy he leads him back to the bathroom and rushes through his hair, he’d normally spend a lot more time on it but time’s against them right now. He watches him finish putting on the suit as he hands him a cup of coffee. It’s one of his nicer ones. It’s a clean charcoal colored three piece suit and the handsome purple tie was a gift from Rafael for their 6 month anniversary. He only wears it under special occasions and this would qualify, but, still. “The tie…” 

Barba is pretty good at reading him, so that’s all Sonny has to say before he’s switching the dark purple of the tie to a lighter shade. Still one of the nicer ones Sonny wears. He doesn’t really understand why Barba doesn’t go for one of his own, more expensive ties, that’s what Sonny does normally wears and they could get away with it now since they disclosed and are living together. The tie collection kinda blends together now. No matter, what ever his reason it’s no big deal.

When they walk back into the living room finishing their coffee, Barba tries to give tips on how to survive the courthouse. “...I don’t want you to go to court or anything like that, you should have a fairly clear schedule--just working out deals with defense attorneys. Do not accept anything, you can try and get something better than they are offering, but don’t over do it. Just say, ‘I’ll think about it.’ okay? And don’t give in to any of their pleas, it’s tempting I know. Also anything major try to get rescheduled, Carmen can help you with that, but don’t tell her---”

“Raf. I’m going to be fine. I’ll make sure to take your words to heart, okay?”

At last he loses steam and takes a deep breath. “I’m just worried, you know? I don’t know what kind of repercussions we can get---”

This time Carisi places his hands his face, the perspective is jarring. It’s not like they’ve not been here before. But it’s usually Sonny being the nervous one. Being given loving eyes saying he’s going to do great. Having Rafael's soft and yet calloused hands on his face, of which he can’t help but lean into the touch. “It’s going to be fine.”

He sighs and says, “Thank you.” Then Barba leans down for a kiss. It’s the first time they’ve kissed in a while, their fight is a dull beat in the back of their mind. Barba leans back, still breathing the same air and asks, “What do I need to know?”


	2. Individual Hysteria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael pretends to be a Detective.

As it turns out, he needed to know a lot. So much so that Sonny started to panic and he had to repeat the calming motion for him. 

Unlike his normal job with set meetings and swappable times, he had to deal with the unknown of the Special Victims Unit and there, he was basically useless. All he could pretend to do is paperwork. He hasn’t even entered the building yet and he’s having an existential crisis. Well that could wait because he has to hope not to get chewed out by Liv when gets in, he’s late, but not _that_ late.

Barba walks into the bullpen like Sonny might do, walk in casually, no straight backed saunters into the precinct anymore. Any odd looks he gets from passerbys in the elevator and hallways he drowns them in coffee. He got a Venti from the shop right outside the precinct and he’s almost done with it. 

He makes his way to their floor and sits down with a sigh and, surprisingly, not a second glance and starts to decide what to do when he gets the familiar feeling of being watched. He’s not a stranger to the feeling but, he finds that the way it’s being directed at him is not admiration like it often was. No, this was the sensation that at any moment he could screw up and the whole world can see and laugh at him; a feeling he hasn’t felt in quite awhile. Each move he makes, Rafael is on trial for his faults and mistakes.

Looking up and around he finds the source of the look, Rollins. She’s obviously trying not to stare, but the look in her eyes says that she really wants to ask something. Probably why he was late. Barba doesn’t understand why she’s so anxious to speak her mind. That usually never stopped her, and Carisi is always an open ear, why should she be afraid? 

Maybe he should ask. That’s something Sonny would do, right?

“You’re clearly dying to say something Amanda. Shoot.” He aims for nonchalance but he’s not sure if it was too casual or not casual enough. Too much like Sonny or not enough like Sonny? Rollins doesn’t seem to notice his struggle, she’s too busy being surprised, if the wide eyed look and raised eyebrow on her face tells him anything. However it disappears quickly and it’s followed up by a readying smirk. 

Before she speaks Fin glances up and glares at her, it shuts her down for some reason. The two seemingly have a silent screaming match, about… something. The battle is in fought in glares, glances, and mouthing words and well, Barba could never read lips so he’s lost. After a minute or so Fin is seemingly defeated and the smug smile returns to Rollins’ face. What just transpired?

She adjusts in her seat and silently gloats. Then, leaning on the edge of her chair, Amanda coyly asks, “Woke up late?”

Ah.

That’s what she’s getting at, huh? Well he won’t fall for that trap but, Sonny might…

“Very funny Rollins, in fact I did wake up late.” He boasts, trying to get the perfect blend of cockyness and innocence. 

“Hmm. Ok sure.” She teases, “By the way, Liv doesn't seem to know that you’re late. For my silence I require that when we have the option I’ll take the chance to go out into the field. You can stay behind and do my paperwork.”

Hold on.

Is that what the detectives at SVU do? They _want_ to go to some perps house and be at risk? They _want_ to be in danger of being shot? Stabbed? Hurt in anyway? He might be exaggerating as Sonny once pointed out no less than a few days ago, that's true, but still they’d jump at that risk.

Back to Rollins’ proposition, on the off chance that could be today it would be a saving grace. “Yeah, fine.”

“She’s been distracted all morning.” Fin adds, “You think it might be Dodds breathin’ down her neck?”

“Probably honestly, I think it’s that Barker case we finished up last week. He’s just anxious about cases going further, that’s all.” Rollins chirps continuing back to her computer. Fin hums in agreement and goes back to the paperwork on his desk.

The Baker case was a month long dying animal of case. Twists, turns, lying witnesses, detectives withholding information, and one slimy defense attorney to top off the sundae. Long, painful, and awful. And a denial from himself. 

No matter. It was in the past now, time to move on.

Barba then went back to staring at his laptop and it then occurred to him that it’s _Sonny’s_ laptop. He doesn’t have the password. He could text the man himself, but he doesn’t really want to get him involved with something as trivial as this. The fact that _he_ hasn’t texted him about any of the in’s and out’s of the courthouse tells him that he’s battling his own demons at the moment or that he doesn’t need any help at all. So the laptop is out. He sets it aside and opens up the bottom drawer, assuming it full of documents he could work on. And he is correct, but how is he suppose to tell the difference between ones that’s simple paperwork and ones that involve an active case? 

Last time he checked they weren’t working on one, but SVU doesn’t always work with Barba--they do have cases that’s just detective work, most of the time anyway. A case that can be settled with no legal action whatsoever. Red-Handed cases is what Barba recalls his spouse referring to. Sometimes the perpetrators are caught in the act and cuffed and detained without knowledge of the ADA. He doesn’t need it.

Then two easy options remain for him. They get a Red-Handed case or they just do paperwork for their entire shift which doesn’t seem likely. He’s going to get asked to interrogate a perp, which he doesn’t know how to do it properly. Barba has only seen it from the other side of the glass, half paying attention and the other times were to hash out a deal, after most of the work has been done in the interrogating department. 

He’s screwed either way. And that’s the two simplest things possible as a detective. 

He takes another gulp of his coffee, trying make himself think with more caffeine. One thing to note in his new body--the caffeine addiction is scarcely there, just barely brushing the edges of an actual problem. As opposed to Rafael, who’s caffeine intake could probably kill a small child. Maybe there _was_ a problem. Sonny is right.

Barba is helpless. There’s only one way he could get out of this before he endangers the lives of himself and other people. Confide in Liv.

As he stands he drinks the last remaining drops of his coffee and throws it away. Barba grabs a napkin and wipes at his mouth, buying time until he has to walk in and convince the inconvincible. Liv can get a certain way when she wants something. It’s a good thing she puts it to good use by focusing on cases and not on some trivial stuff like some other people might do. It has it’s drawbacks though.

As proven when he forces himself to march to Liv’s office. He’s careful to knock first before letting himself in and would...?---yeah, no doubt Sonny would do that. No need to second guess that. Knock because his mother raised him well and barge right in because he somehow can’t wait a bit before being told to go in.

Benson, like most days, is busy at work reviewing files and jotting down notes left and right. Her glasses are low on her nose as she fiddles with her pen and drinks her own cup of coffee. She doesn’t even look up to address Sonny’s body. “Is there anything I can help you with, Carisi?”

“Uhm. Yeah.” How do you even start a conversation like this? No sane person would actually believe him. Suddenly chickening out he nervously picks at his fingernails--a habit that he has regardless of what body he’s occupying, but a startling shrill fills the room. It’s her phone. Liv gets a look at his fidgety figure for a split second before she picks her cell up and returns to her work. At least this buys him more time to figure out an exit plan. Or a plan in general. 

“Hello? Dodds. Yes, yes. I can get that. Come by a little later, I’ll send a detective to Barba’s office. Yes. See you soon.” She hangs up and faces him properly for the first time. “Carisi! Do you think you can head to Barba’s office, if it’s not too out of the way…” She backpedals. 

Ok that was strange. It didn’t take a detective to figure out that normally Carisi would be all over getting to visit his boyfriend during the day, but Olivia is treating him with a certain kind of kid gloves. He knows that Sonny would be treated no different on any other subject, but suddenly Liv’s walking on eggshells on the topic of Rafael…

It had to be about their fight. Must be why Fin and Rollins were acting so strange earlier. Had this stupid fight caused repercussions at work for Sonny? He was always a social person and quite easy to read so it would be effortless to find his sore spot and carefully avoid it. This weeks sore spot? Barba.

“Yeah it’s fine, Liv---Lieu, Lieu.” She then gave him an odd look, either a result from his stuttering or his fragmentary behavior. Regardless he swallowed his pride and embarrassment. 

“Well hop to it. Dodds is expecting some files from the Eastman case. Don’t take too long.” Barba is pretty sure under normal circumstances that she would’ve added a lot of innuendo to that last sentence, instead she avoided it. 

The Eastman case, he was working on it yesterday. It was a classic he said, she said case nothing too complicated. There’s supposed to be arraignment today…

“Well I better get going then.” Barba then turned heel and began to open the door when Liv said, “Carisi.” He turned his head around. She had the look on her face like she was trying to figure something out. Shaking her head she said, “Nevermind we can talk about this later. Go.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Rafael got out of there and suddenly remembering he had to go with a gun and a badge he returned to his desk to retrieve them. He hadn’t been thrilled by the fact he had to have a gun on him, terrified really, so he chose not to think about it at all. Barba’s mind was more focused on getting to court as fast as he can. 

Unfortunately, nervousness was plainly written on his face and Rollins picked up on it. 

“Where you going? If it’s out in the field…” She said sweetly.

“No, no. Barba’s office.” He fastened his firearm and began to put on his detective badge. Suddenly there was a delicate hand on his forearm.

“Look, I get it might be none of my business, but if you want to talk. I’m here, okay?”

Rafael was struck with wave of comfort and happiness, it was an amazing feeling, realizing Rollins was there for him--well, Carisi. He’s felt this before usually from the man himself, it was just odd for a coworker to care so much about him. Wait, that brought up the question, was Sonny not bringing his current drama to Amanda? Barba knew they liked to talk and share some inkling that was going on, a sudden ice out would make Rollins really worried. She was his confidant, while he had no one. Why wasn’t he talking to her anymore? 

He nodded sincerely and thanked her for the offer. “I’ll take you up on that. Just have to wait for this,” He gestured into the air, making sure to play it up because Sonny liked to wave his hands around for no apparent reason. “to blow over…” Not the best excuse, but it will have to do. He slipped out of her grasp and power walked to the elevator, only glancing back for a moment to see a small smile on Rollins’ lips. 

He enters the elevator just as Chief Dodds steps off. Just his luck.

“Hey, Detective Carisi! Heading to get those files?”

Strange. Normally Dodds would be sorrowful and yet here he was greeting the detective with a smile. Deciding to keep it short and curt he replied, “Yup.”

Dodds waved bye just as the door closed. What was he happy about? Some recent development in the Eastman case? Perhaps. Even when Barba is literally a detective he still can’t get information on the cases when he need it.

Rafael takes a deep breath and steps out through the door and into the street, he’ll stop by the cafe he regulars at for a quick coffee before he tries to stop Carisi from screwing up this case. The barista won’t be able to recognize him though, that’ll slow him down a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any feedback!


	3. Arraignment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carisi goes to arraignment and tries to survive the courthouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter.

Sonny has no idea how he’s gotten this far.

He’s somehow successfully bullshitted his way through the courthouse and 1 Hogan Place. The emotional rollercoaster of a day started off by immediately being forced into a conversation with Rita Calhoun. And unfortunately, he’s only had a few times to practice his ‘pretending to be Rafael’ skills. The first encounter he'd had is when he got a coffee at a nearby cafe. He’s been there before, when he was in his own body, and for some odd reason this time he got his coffee a _lot_ quicker than usual. 

The second time is when he was walking to his (Rafael’s) office when Rita somehow jumped him, walking to his right saying, “I know it’s not any of my business, but how’s the Eastman case treating you? You must be happy, heard the defense is fresh out of private practice.”

Eastman. Raf was talking about that case yesterday. It was actually fairly simple, from what Sonny understood of it. He didn’t make the arrest, Fin handled that, he was busy with a different disruption at that time. And he didn’t get to really hear Rafael talk about it for long before another fight was started by him. Before his spouse started to complain about how _incompetent_ SVU was, Carisi picked up that the defense was a recent transplant from Ohio. He could use that.

“He’s new to New York, but I’m sure he’ll be able to handle it.” Was that Barba enough? Based on Calhoun's quirk of the eyebrows--no, it wasn’t. Perhaps he was being a bit too soft on the man. 

“Hmm.” She said simply. “Ok then, by the way Barba,” Rita stopped and he followed her movement. “Here’s a tip for Abbott, he likes to fingerprint.” Then as smoothly as she came in she left.

...What? 

Carisi wasn’t sure how to deal with that, so he chose to ignore it for now. What exactly do you make of ‘fingerprint’?

By the time that thought made the rounds 3 times through his head he arrived at the door to his office. Well, Barba’s office, but, still. So Sonny straightened his back out, because if he can’t speak like Rafael then he can sure as hell look like him, and strutted steadfast towards the direction of Carmen’s desk. If anything can save him from disaster it would be her.

“Good Morning Carmen.” He said proudly. She didn’t bat an eye at his greeting just glanced up and take out a sticky note that was taped to her computer. At least Carisi can die happy with the knowledge that Raf greets his secretary regularly. 

“Good Morning. In less than an hour you have arraignment for Eastman and after that you have a meeting with Ms. Efron and later at 3 o’clock Mr. Buchanan.” Carmen hands over the note and he reads it over. After arraignment he has an hour and change before his meeting with Efron, and wait was she the defense attorney where Barba prosecuted a married gay man with a hate crime against gays? He’ll have to double check it with Raf before his meeting with her.

He nods in thanks and steps into the ornate office. Unfortunately, due to whatever magic happened this morning, he’s late and now he has less time to prepare for arraignment. Carisi mulls over the ways he can get past this as he readies another cup of coffee.

That’s one thing he didn’t expect after body switching shenanigans happened. There was a constant need for coffee. At the cafe earlier the barista asked if he wanted his usual, deciding to play it safe he said yes. Under normal circumstances Sonny would assume and get what he usually finds Barba drinking right before work, if he were to order at that cafe. Spending time around Barba Sonny quickly learned what coffee he favors at what time. Even before they started to date. So he expected what he saw Barba with this time of day at work, something simple and sweet. 

He wasn’t expecting straight shots of espresso mixed into his melted down ice cream of a Venti. It’s not usually this strong. Carisi always hated how much cream and sugar he put in, but the sweet taste almost hid the pure caffeine.

Almost. 

Even when Sonny had no idea what to do Barba’s body kinda took care of itself somehow, the coffee was done before he stepped into his work and now he was making himself another cup. All this caffeine will help him think of a way how to get through the day _for sure._ God he was screwed.

He had limited time and soon enough he gathered his notes and nervously took to court. As he waited to go up he sent out a silent prayer to get back to his own body (absentmindedly wondering if God could even recognize him) and a another one to get through this day without something horrible happening.

He was called up and ten minutes later he _somehow_ survived.

That payer really did work.

Even when the judge and almost every lawyer in the room kept looking at him strange he didn’t get called out and he was able to get a high bail for Eastman. No matter what, Carisi just can’t sound like his boyfriend. His crazy hot, kinda scary at times, boyfriend who could look death in the eye and say, _‘No.’._ How did Rafi deal with all of this day to day? Is this what he had to look forward to if he actually accepted the job in Brooklyn? 

Despite these obstacles Sonny was able to trip up the meager defense. All by figuring out that Abbott, Eastmans’ lawyer, loved to reach for the impossible. He’s seen it before, when attorneys purposely attempt to get no jail time or no registry even though the crime clearly dictates it. Abbott was intent on doing _something_ even if it didn’t really help him. Paired with Raf’s notes he went for a big, but not unusual, bail amount and like clockwork he fell for it. Abbott didn’t really try to get it to a lower price, he just went with it.

Sure remand didn’t work out, but just making through that was a win. And to accompany it, a winning smile. 

Which also didn’t work out. Just before people were shooting him odd looks because how he phrased his words and how he attacked with a timid voice, but now they were staring at him like he had something horribly wrong on his face. Not two seconds after a paralegal gawked at him he figured it out.

Barba doesn’t smile. At work anyway. He always seems to smile at Sonny when he’s at home and in public sometimes or on rare occasions--Carisi’s work. He never really noticed it before but now it makes sense, like when Fin was looking stunned that one time, early into their public relationship, that was because Barba was smiling at him. Smiling because of another person, not a break in the case.

Oozing triumph and success he walked back to Barba’s office to prepare for Efron’s appointment. Maybe to figure out what she wants in the first place. And to get another coffee, he was starting to have withdrawals and he’s had 4 cups today.

As he sets his briefcase down and gets ready to make another cup, he shows up.

_Well,_ Barba in his _body_ shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate feed back of any kind!


	4. How was Work?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba and Sonny meet up and figure out what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you learn what 'Fingerprinting' means.

His hair was slightly out of place and his breathing was wild and unsteady. 

_“Did you run here?”_

Barba takes a moment to catch his breath, it doesn't take as long as he thought. He give one final deep breath and takes a sip from his coffee that seemingly appeared out of nowhere. 

“Maybe. Now that I have the body for it I might as well try it.” He said, still a little breathlessly.

Sonny shook his head and locked on to that coffee, he took it from his boyfriend's’ hand with mild protest. “Sorry. But, what the hell. How have you survived this long. Back in school when I drank this much coffee I got jittery and felt like my body was trying to tear itself apart. Now if I don’t get another cup in I’ll fear that will _actually_ happen.”

Barba shakes his head and watches Sonny take another heavy gulp of the strong coffee. Barba, almost regretfully, says, “I should have listened to you when you said I had a problem. I got used to it. 

“By the way, all those times when I said that I love your body I meant it. Now is no different, it’s like… a vacation of a sort. The stress is still there---that’s never going away---but only this time I feel like I don’t _need_ coffee to make it through the day.”

Sonny drained the cup, put it in the trash, took his hand and led his to the conference table to sit down. “It’s liberating isn’t it? I’m sorry and no offense, but I’m miserable. Yes, your body is hard to handle, but god, your job. I have to meet with both---”

“ _Arraignment._ Have you gone to arraignment yet?” Barba’s (well, Sonny’s) eyes are wild like before. It’s like he’s suddenly found his purpose. This is going to be awful telling him. He was worried before, it’s only really going to put him in a bad mood. Have to do it anyway though, he’s asking.

“I have.” Sonny literally saw his breath hitch in his throat. “And… bail for Eastman is set at $100,000.”

Suddenly his tense shoulders dropped. Raf’s hand on the table uncurled and stopped white-knuckling itself. He let out a shaky breath. Maybe because it was Sonny’s body, but Barba seems more...expressive. All that energy has to go somewhere he supposes. Seemingly calmed down, he gives a curt nod and asks quietly, “That’s good. How…” There was short smile at his lips, “Your first arraignment? How did you do?”

That caught him off guard. Must of clearly showed on his face by the way Raf was suddenly laughing at him. Wait, that’s what he sounds like when he laughs? Why does Barba love it so much? Sonny gave a small shake of his head in dismissal. He filed those thoughts away, _for another time._

“Rita decided to jump me and tell me that Abbott, the defense, likes to, _quote,_ ‘fingerprint’. I still don’t know what it means.” Like at any chance he gets, he threw up some air quotes because he could. Raf snorted at the show. It’s harder to express himself in his body. But he’ll make the attempt anyway.

Barba raised an eyebrow, which he often does, but on Sonny’s body it looked out of place and disorienting. “Fingerprinting. It’s a word to describe a person who likes to have control over everything. They like to have their _fingerprints_ on it.” He emphasised the word with his accent and subtly winced at the sound of his own voice. 

“Ah.” He nodded in understanding then, after watching his body for a minute he said, “You really hate the accent don’t you.” Sonny deadpanned. 

His other half went wided eyed for a brief moment and sputtered, “No, no. I used to, but it’s just odd hearing it _in my head._ I just have to get used to it again.”

“Hmm.” He shook his head dismissively. Like Barba could ever get used to his voice. “Anyway, before I babble more about me… How was being a police officer?” Sonny asked, giddy. 

Barba gave him a strange hard look. Somehow exerting an air of dismissal and superiority from Sonny’s puppy dog of a body. Sometimes he, as in actual Carisi, can get angry and serious, but it wasn’t as held as long as Barba seemed to be doing. “Anything suspicious? Anyone catching on?”

“Well.” He tisked. “I should probably tell you that at the first chance she gets, Rollins will be taking the chance to do field work from you. Which is perhaps for the best in my case.” Barba muttered.

Okay, sucks to be Sonny, but an easy out for Rafael. It should be a pretty slow day. “Anything else?” He questioned, flipping a wrist to him like was physically going to hand over the answer. 

“Other than that, I don’t think really anyone batted an eye. And by the way, when Liv sent me off to see you I crossed Dodds as he was stepping out of the elevator.”

“Oh?” It wasn’t a recent development to hear talk about Dodds. Combining rumors and experience, Sonny’s view of him now was the melancholy Chief who is still a hardass and still puts pressure on the squad. Carisi doesn’t remember the last time he was cheery. 

“He smiled at me. Does he do that to you guys? Is it just the ADA that’s getting copped out here? I thought he might be happy if there was a recent development in the case. Speaking of which---”

Barba sat up and went to his desk. Seeing himself look through the files on the desk and looking for papers in the drawers it was all kinds of wrong. Not just because he was watching his body do this like it was no big deal. It felt like an out of body experience and, well, it was.

“They sent me down here in the first place to get some files for the Eastman case, so---” He came back up from his hunched position and proudly showed the documents. After his search Barba didn’t really know what to do with himself. He also recognized that sitting in his chair was _wrong._ Barba choose to go sit back down with mild discomfort and based on the expression on his face, he seemed lost somehow.

“Are you ok---” Sonny nearly whispered, planting a hand on his forearm.

“I’m fine.” He snapped, but it held no bite. Even when he slipped out of his grasp. “I’m fine.” Barba said to himself.

Raf took a deep breath and stated, “I have no idea what was up with Dodds. I thought it had something to do with the case.”

Sonny put a pin in that little outburst for later, if he wants to avoid it for now, fine. Now is not the time and he can listen and soothe his worries at home. “Nothin’ on the case. I can try and figure it out. And _no._ Whatcha see is whatcha get.” He stated with pride, referring to all those times Dodds waltzed into Lieu’s office just to state what they already knew. “ADA’s do not get special treatment.” He chastised. 

Barba snorted at the image before him and shook his head. 

“Oh and Efron. I’m supposed to have a meeting with her soon. Any tips for handling her now that before you have to go? As well as Buchanan?”

A pitiful look crossed Raf’s face and he held a long pause. Sonny was about to repeat the question when he he finally said something.

“Look, I should let you know. I attempted to confide in Liv, but I couldn’t get a word in before I was sent to pick up these files.” His mouth twisted into some kind of hapless smirk “I thought that in order for me not to hurt anyone I talk to Liv and see if she’ll either believe my story or, looking back on it, just give me the day off.”

“She doesn’t give the day off for no reason.” Carisi rattled off, surprised at his own speed. 

Barba settled back down and sighed, “Yeah, sometimes hindsight isn’t always 20/20. I didn’t manage to say anything anyway. Look, you can just reschedule those meetings to tomorrow, we can figure those out later. Alright? And we can both go back to the station and…” He gestured openly. Because saying it aloud would make the nightmare real. Despite the fact they might go down there now and state this very thing.

Sonny rubbed the heel of his hand over his eye. “Ok… so. We are just going to talk to Benson to explain _this_ and…” He dropped his hovering hand to his thigh. “Go home?”

“Well, I haven’t thought that far ahead, but we can figure it out.” He started to pick at his fingernails, a nervous habit that he never broke and Sonny was not appreciating the fact he was using his body to fill that void. “Try to explain our situation to Liv, she can let you-- _me_ go home and figure this out and then… That’s all we need for the moment.”

Sonny ran a hand through his hair just to land at the base of his neck. A nervous habit of _his._ “How can I get out of here then? What would you do under these circumstances? Fake a sickness?”

“ _No._ You fake a death, just like the rest of us.” Sonny gave a wide self satisfied smile at the retort.

“Anyway.” Barba rolled his eyes. “Just reschedule with Carmen. She’ll take care of the rest.” To punctuate his point he stood up and waited at the door. Carisi watched as Barba fidget with his dress and then turned to the door. Raf hitched and paused when he saw himself as a reflection in the glass door to his office. Then, a split second later he fiddled with his hair, trying to maintain the perfect coif Sonny made that morning. He pushed back in a stray hair that fell onto his forehead which must of came loose from his run here. He then tucked in some hairs on the sides to finish the performance off.

When Raf was satisfied he gave a small sigh of relief and turned back to Sonny. Carisi shook his head and followed Barba’s lead out the door. Barba led the charge and hurried a bit further ahead. He then paced over to Carmen’s desk and stepped to the side. He gave a look, _Well, what are you waiting for?_

Taking a deep breath to psyche himself up, he sauntered to the front of Carmen’s desk like Barba would do. Time to prove to him that he can do this. “Can you reschedule all of my appointments for today? I’m… taking the day off.”

She squinted. She knew something was wrong. Barba never took days off unprompted. She didn’t really care all that much about why he was acting this way so she dismissed her boss’ behavior and turned to her computer to suss out the color coded appointments and alerts. “Yes, I can.”

Carisi presented a large smile, but his hearty thank you was turned into a mumbled one halfway through when he saw Barba’s face. The friendly smile was dropped as well. 

Despite the different face, Sonny recognized the look before. It was a look of confusion and wonderment. Often seen when something odd and out of place came up in a investigation. Like always he didn’t verbalize his thoughts, he _especially_ didn’t with company.

He half shook his head and walked on, fully expecting Sonny to follow. And he did.

“Look you gotta stop acting like yourself. You’re supposed to act like me, remember?” Sonny said.

Barba stepped through the elevator to act as a buffer to stall answering. “You seem able to act like me. I’d say there’s room for improvement form both of us.”

Okay. That’s a start.

“For example, Carmen, there’s no need to apologize or give excuses. Keep your head up and remind yourself that you don’t need to explain what you’re are doing, because they know you know what you’re doing.”

“But, I don’t.”

“Neither am I sometimes. All I need to do is convince them that I _absolutely_ know what I’m doing.”

Strangely enough as damning as that confession is, Sonny has heard it before. Possibly one his greatest secrets was whispered in the limbo between being awake and being asleep. Carisi didn’t want Barba to think that he may or may not of heard it and even if Raf preferred it that way he wasn’t willing to give him the luxury. 

_“How often?”_ Sonny said into Barba’s back. 

_“Not so much now. When I first started in my law career. **Definitely.** ”_ Raf replied into a pillow.

“Well.” Carisi mused, still entranced in the memory. “I’ll keep that in mind.” The pair walked out the elevator and into the street where they called a cab. Despite the fact they were in presence of a New York cab driver so it wouldn’t matter if they said anything they choose to say nothing. Carisi picked back up the conversation by criticising Barba once they entered the building. Their voices nothing more than a dull murmur. 

“You need to loosen up. Stop walking like you have perfect posture. You are supposed to be me.” Sonny grinned.

“Yeah well,” Raf said breathlessly. “It’s a lot harder to be you than I thought.” His significant other shot him a look. “I both have to act like I don’t care and I do care.” 

Sonny’s look of confusion filled the elevator as they walked into it. “How so?”

“Physically. You’re loose limbered and charming. Like a more distinguished college student. On the other side, you have your speech. You have to constantly care about every little thing. I got caught up in a situation with one of your sisters about her baby while getting my coffee before I visited you. Bella was talking about some cute thing her child did and I had to pretend to care.” He complained, then last minute he added, “Sorry.” Barba sighed and looked towards the floor. “I had to read on your other conversations to get context clues on how to react.”

Barba rarely apologized, much less when it involved family matters. Still Sonny can’t blame him for what he did. “It’s ok. Anything you don’t really know you can text me for backstory or somethin’.” 

“Oh yeah that’s another thing! Don’t talk like you’re from Staten Island.” Like always Raf has to turn a moment of sappy-ness to a moment of snappy-ness.

“Well I am. You need to talk like you’re from Staten Island.” Carisi reasoned. 

Barba’s face immediately soured, “Oh god.” A second of silence passed. “I’ll try.” 

In the moments before they reached SVU Sonny thought about how he can walk like Barba, but can’t talk like him as the man himself pointed out. He can be straight backed and can saunter into every room and fool everyone that he has everything under control. Carisi reasoned that all those years of staring at Barba finally paid off. “I understand why you stand tall all the time.” Sonny stated as the doors to the elevator opened. “Everyone towers over you and you have to appear to be above it all.” He walked confidently into the bullpen, Barba right behind him for probably the first time in his life, slouching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any feedback! Also there should be one more chapter left.


	5. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barba and Sonny confide in Liv.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nevermind we still have another chapter after this one, I miscalculated. 
> 
> Sidenote, this might be my favorite chapter.

Barba really couldn’t help the fact he was staring at Carisi as he made his way past SVU detectives. He chalked it up to playing to his character. Rafael had to hand it to Sonny, he looks the part, but sure as hell can’t sound like it. It doesn’t particularly matter anyway, they’re about to walk into Liv’s office when Chief Dodds steps out. 

Dodds got the news of their relationship the same time as most people. And like most people he didn’t really react that much. (Excluding Carisi’s family and the squad themself. They aren’t most people.) In fact the only acknowledgement he got from him was word from mouth from Liv. It was basicly a part stolen from the speech she gave to them when Liv first found out. _“As long as it doesn’t affect your work relationship…”_

Some people went out of their way to find that the rumors were really true, others didn’t bother. Like Dodds. This would be the first instance he’d encountered the two of them by himself. 

“Ah Barba! Carisi! Good to see you two!” As he walked out he clapped Barba on the shoulder and made his way out. Their gazes followed him as he paced down the hall.

“You were _right.”_ Sonny breathed. 

Barba shook his head and turned around. “You think Liv knows?”

“Maybe. We should ask.”

“Before or after we tell her?”

“What are you guys pregnant or something?”

Both men froze and turned to Rollins at her desk, who was just a few feet away. Barba had a sneaking suspicion that they should’ve kept their voices down. She tilted her head waiting for an answer. 

Smooth as silk Sonny said in half intentional snooty voice, _still in Barba’s body,_ “Well, none of business.”

Rafael was _so close_ to calling him out on this and teasing him for how much he sounded like a schoolgirl when he said that. It was _incredibly_ ridiculous. And seeing the pinched expression on Rollins face she too wanted to say that. But to her knowledge, this was Barba. She wouldn’t dare making fun of him for this. At least when he wasn’t in the room. He could probably expect Rollins shouldering Sonny’s body (AKA _Him_ ) off to the side to talk about it.

So, like any good boyfriend, he pushed passed the embarrassment and placed a hand on Sonny’s lower back. Must of been strange from Rollins and Fin’s (who had now been watching) perspective to watch Sonny’s body lead Barba’s body into Liv’s office. And _sure._ They were essentially running away from their problems here, but it got the job done anyway. It can be fixed later.

He guided a stunned Sonny to the middle of the room. He must of realized how much of a fool he made of both of them because he seemed intent on blushing and avoiding his gaze. Barba turned around and closed the door drawing an air of finality to this whole scene.

Liv looked up from her phone when she heard the door shut. “What brings you two around?” She stood up and finished her questioning. “Ah the Eastman files, thanks.” Seemingly reminded that he had them Barba presented them and said dumbly, “Uhm.”

Liv took them and went back to her desk. It took a few moments to realize that Barba nor Carisi were saying anything. _We probably look like a deer caught in the headlights,_ Barba thought.

“We have...something to share.” Okay, at least that’s a start. Liv looks a lot more interested now, setting down her glasses and giving her Barba her full attention. Well, her detective, full attention. 

_She’s probably thinking the same thing as Rollins,_ and _that_ was a bad sign. He needs to clear the air. Only problem is, he has no idea how to bring this up.

“Uhh. Well.” 

“We woke up this morning and our conscious was put in each others bodies. At least that’s what we think, we don’t know why or how, just that it happened and I’m already got off the hook but you need you to let Barba go home so we can figure this out.”

Well.

Nobody ever said that Carisi wasn’t blunt.

In response Liv balked. “Wha---uh--mmm--What?”

No one could blame her for being confused really.

Her focus was split between the two, if she swung her head any faster she might get whiplash. Now was the time as any to get his head out his ass and speak up. To sing a sordid tale and leave his audience stunned in the end. His ability to tell of experiences and stories wouldn’t work extremely well here though, he’ll have to mix his lawyer tendencies with improvisation. 

_Fun._

“I know it’s a little confusing.” He slowed his speech and walked toward her slowly. Not unlike you might do for a scared animal. “But. This is where we are.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Liv’s speech had calmed down immensely. She either coming to terms with the situation they presented her or she’s in denial. Probably the latter. 

“We switched bodies and we need to go figure this out. I’m asking you to let me go for the day to do such a task.” Barba said now standing side by side with his significant other.

Carisi then added, hastily, “So we don’t raise suspicion.” 

“So…” She shook her head. “If what you say is true then…” She open her hands to the air. “Explain it to me again?”

“Our bodies are swapped. Me, as in Barba, is in Sonny’s body. Vice versa.”

Liv turned to Sonny and said, confusion still written on her face, “So my detective is in there?” She then pointed to his body. 

“Hello Lieu.”

The admission seemed to have calmed her more, but she dragged one of her hands that were gripping the edge of her desk to the bridge of her nose. “If you two are screwing with me…” Benson didn’t finish that sentence. Surprisingly the silence was more damning. 

-

She couldn’t really believe what she was hearing. Their consciousness was swapped…? How did that happen? And were they lying? Barba would never in a million years willingly agree to this. He wouldn’t be lying now. Carisi would fear retribution and wouldn’t dare to prank his boss. She had every reason to believe that they weren’t lying. She squinted.

Olivia looked at them. _Really_ looked at them. 

Barba, at least his body, was cracking under the pressure of her stare. He shuffled his feet and swept a hand through his hair. Carisi seemingly forgot that it wasn’t his body however, and thus there was no pomade in his hair to keep it up and there was no natural springy-ness to bounce it back up if it ever fell victim to a nervous habit. The ADA’s body was just _slightly_ wrong. Hair out of place and mused, tie crooked, arms folded over his chest in an attempt to bury his embarrassment. It did look like her detective was trapped in there.

Carisi’s body also fit the bill.

He stood tall, taking full advantage of his height which under normal circumstances would be unusual for him. His hair was well kept and contained unlike the wind swept look he usually had. He kept his hands to his side and had an extremely neutral face. Nothing was out of place. His tie was straight and tucked into the vest perfectly. It was a beautiful color too, it complemented the grey of the suit. If anything that was the tell, Barba’s style. 

Carisi would probably appreciate the fact that Barba has stuff to make him look nicer but he stick to his usual. Shooting a quick look back at Barb--- _Carisi_ his look is a lean towards Rafael, but it oddly enough doesn’t look exactly correct. 

Just by looking at them they both seemed like they really were… swapped. 

“Okay. I think I believe you.”

Carisi-- _Barba,_ god she was never going to get over that, breathed a sigh of relief. Carisi on the other hand sagged his shoulders and took in giant gulps of air. It was kinda terrifying to see Barba (at least his body) completely lose all tension he had in his body and bend over slightly. He eked out, _“Wow,_ okay. Now what.”

Barba looked over at him and extended a hand to lay high on his back. “There, there.” He joked. “Now we head home.” A smirk tugging at his lips. Carisi straightened up and turned to smile genuinely at him. 

Nevermind being terrified about seeing Barba (‘s body) look so vulnerable. It scary to see him smile so happily. Olivia remembers when they disclosed, it was a telling sign that Barba was smiling more with Carisi around soon as they walked into her office that evening. And even before that honestly. She told them that she was happy for them and gave separate assurances afterwards. As well as a promise to keep it professional, only half joking.

Of course she’d expect nothing less from them. There was no TLC to be found when they left SVU to have lunch. They seemed like coworkers or best friends, not in a romantic relationship. But, on occasion when it was just the three of them, Barba would loosen up and thus Carisi would follow his lead, to a degree. Their sickening sweetness would appear when it was just the squad sometimes, their banter (or how Rollins had called it, flirting, _They’ve been doing this for years. And we call ourselves detectives.)_ bled into the squads talks at bars when they were celebrating. 

Those moments got few and far between recently. Even when it was just Liv and them. They turned down offers for drinks and you wouldn’t see Barba lower his defenses to play around. But yet, here they are, making a triumphant return of smiling at each other and supporting in their way. Hopefully it will last. 

Barba unstuck Carisi from the chair and led him to the door. “Thanks Liv.”

“Oh and Barba.”

Carisi’s body turned to face her. “Hmm.”

“You look a bit too much like yourself, if that makes sense. Same with you Carisi.”

Both look at her for a second and looked at each other. Carisi reached up to fix his hair to put a lock out of place and rest it on his forehead. In retaliation Barba reached down to fix his tossed hair. “You look like you cradled your head in your hands for an hour…” Barba murmured. 

“Well you made yours too perfectly. I don’t look that neat, I don’t think I’ve ever looked this neat.” Carisi shot back “Messing Up” his hair more. He moved to puff his tie out of it’s hold a little when Barba moved to straighten his. They kept this up until they look a bit closer to themselves.

Liv couldn’t tell if it was their usual banter that sometimes passed for flirting, if it actually was passive agressive flirting, or maybe it was an argument. She’s never seen them go toe to toe in a verbal fight though and she hopes that she never has too. She’s content on seeing the result of it which isn’t pretty, but slightly less scary.

When they were done they turned around with much less flourish than before. “Better Lieu?”

Liv tried not to get so thrown off by hearing Carisi’s nickname for her in Barba’s voice. She gave a curt nod and wished them good luck in fixing it, they should ask if she can help, and notify her when they do fix it. Olivia chose to ignore every other fact that beated at the back of her mind. _What if they can’t fix this?_ being the sounding majority.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any feedback!


	6. The Nightmare is Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carisi and Barba talk and face the next day.

They didn’t say anything on the ride home. 

They kept quiet when they entered the apartment. Rafael got a glass of scotch, took a sip, discovered that his taste buds hated it and traded it out for a beer. He gave the glass to Sonny who dutifully accepted it and sat down on the couch. Barba refused to sit next to him, he was taking up the middle spot, so instead he diverted to the single chair. Adjacent to Carisi.

They sipped their drinks and didn’t say anything for a time. Perhaps they were building up their arguments.

Barba was tired of the silence, it drew on and on and it was a waste of time. He didn’t want to think about what happened to them so he brought up something much worse. “Rollins is worried about you.” He said into the lull.

“She worries about a lot of people.” Sonny took another sip of the scotch, burning a trail down his throat. 

This nasty fight was always some form of deflect and denial. It started after the Baker case. About two weeks ago. Each time one of them chose to bring it back to the light it resulted in a fight. So they both ignored it until they had a new point to bring back up or just because they could. 

Here Carisi began the first part of his argument, defect his work. Turn each argument Barba made about him back on Raf. Barba can expect the second round to come rolling in soon, denial that his job isn’t as frightening as it is and he needs to get over it. 

In between their trysts prompted other bad habits to be called out.

“I know you usually share your opinions, even with Rollins.” Barba set down his beer and set his gaze on Carisi’s eyes, locking him into a staring contest. “She explicitly told me that she’s there for you if you want to talk.” 

Sonny looked away to consider her words, he came back with, “Okay look, maybe I haven’t brought up everything to Rollins but I don’t need too.”

Before Carisi could continue Rafael interjected, “Yeah, it seems the whole precinct knows we are in a fight. Everyone except Dodds maybe…” He decrescendo his argument into his beer bottle, taking a sip of the amber liquid.

Carisi took a deep breath. Here he goes, the main point he kept driving home and soon delved into Barba’s own job.

“Look, Barba.” He set down his empty glass. “I know you don’t like it. But, that’s my job.---”

_“No._ You look. I know it’s your job but it doesn't make me any less terrified that you can get shot at a moment's notice. I’ve recognized that your work is dangerous in the past and gotten over it. The problem now (and _why_ this worries me again) is that you are downplaying the fact you can probably die at anytime on the job and you ignoring this is making my anxiety go through the roof.”

“Yes, I get it. I can die at an time. I’ve accepted this, _you’ve accepted this._ But, ever since that damn Baker case you’ve been doing the same thing. 

“Now you know how I felt when you got those death threats and now you are deflecting the fact you got threatened again when on those court steps by John Baker himself right before you sent him to prison. _Yes_ I saw. And you didn’t think to tell me _again._

“It’s hypocritical of you to accuse me of being careless when you yourself are in danger too and it hurts me you can’t come to me about it…”

Barba gritted his teeth, “It’s because I know what you would do.” He stood up and paced the room. “You seem to have a suicidal streak of your own. At least I can have some kind of control of when and where I die you just have to show up ready for work. I stall it. You don’t. And you are making a mountain out of a molehill here when Baker threatened me. At least Heredio got paid and there was an actual threat thereafter. Now one guy threatens me and you’ve convinced the NYPD to come and save me.”

This spat went on for far too long, both practically repeating their arguments. Somehow they’ve run out of steam and delved into a new topic.

“I can’t help but think,” Carisi said slowly, “Your work. Is that what would happen to me if I took the job in Brooklyn? The safer option?” He shook his head at his own whispered words. Barba had gone quiet to hear him out. 

“God, Raf.” He went silent for a moment, but for once since the argument began, Rafael decided to keep his mouth shut. “Your job. It was tough, I mean I’m a lawyer and still could barely get by.”

Rafael may have been able to keep quiet for him to speak, but he still had the smallest tendrils of fight left in him. Not to continue it, more to finally end it. “You say my job is hard and yes to a degree it is, but that doesn’t mean you’re job is any less hard. And that’s not just because I had no idea what I was doing.” Carisi huffed a small sad laugh in response. 

“We both need to recognize that our jobs can be dangerous and move on. Finally.” Barba stated. The admission became heavy and it threatened to choke them. However they both found themselves able to breath at last. 

Sonny licked his lips, “Are we okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sonny’s Staten Island accent was in full force and it revealed the raw emotion Barba had presented into this fight. Carisi used Barba’s body to full effect here, pulling his tall lanky body down to meet him in a hug. “You should talk to someone, everyone’s worried about you. Including me.” Barba said into his neck.

Sonny replied, “I know, and I will. You should talk to me about...stuff…too.”

“Eloquent.”

“Shut up.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Barba drew away but still occupied his partner's space. 

Sonny then looked into his eyes and asked softly, “You should really do something about your coffee addiction I mean, come on.” Rafael began laughing halfway through his jab. 

“I’ll think about it.” They stayed in each other's orbit for a while, no words were said but they were both thinking of the same thing. Rafael licked his lips and thought of their day. Mainly how would they handle it tomorrow. He thought about his work and Sonny’s work and Rita and Amanda. 

“Earlier today, when I was speaking to Rollins.” Sonny flinched but kept listening. “She wanted to let me know that she was there for me. You did know that she’s there for you, right?” He said accusingly, not unlike a mother would talk to a child.

Carisi picked up on this and raised his defenses slightly. “I--ah.” He didn’t say anything for a moment, content to stare into Barba’s neck. “I know I should be talking to her more, considering I just _stopped_ talking to her about this kind of stuff.” He took a deep breath and left his partners grasp to go settle on the couch. Away from Rafael. “Maybe I was scared that this fight would be it. It was one of the nastiest ones we’ve had, but. Look how long we’ve been together, by now we should be able to handle it and yet I’m scared of it ending.” The confession was thick and laden with choked words and whispered facts. Sonny was terrified to even think about it and realize what was happening, let alone say it aloud. 

“I don’t want it to end. I’m sorry that I ever made you think that.” Barba walked over to place on the couch and sat beside him, making sure to keep his distance for now. 

Sonny shook his head. “It’s… not completely your fault Raf. Some of it’s mine.” He leaned back into the sofa and rubbed at his eyes. “I’m more worried for tomorrow. What are we going to do?” He sighed.

Barba was putting this off as long as possible. It was like a night terror. Finding yourself in a nightmare and when the worst part happens you don’t wake up. It somehow gets worse and more terrifying. 

Today was the nightmare. Tomorrow was the night terror.

He loathed to even think about it now, but not doing so would make it worse.

“Tomorrow. Here’s what you’ll do…”

Barba then faced his fears and rattled off the cases he had and what to do for the meetings with Buchanan and Efron. He explained judges juries alike and the fact they should talk to the DA about all of this. He made a point earlier, when he was in the precinct, about not endangering anyone. Time for Sonny to follow that example.

When gave a rundown of what to expect Carisi took charge of explaining his line of work. Make some kind of deal with Liv so Barba doesn’t have to go in the field, general explanation of how to do paperwork, and making sure he knows his resources are to use.

With the promise from both of them to text or call each other if needed, they finally stopped. 

Both tired and out of breath they replaced their drinks with water and stood in the kitchen in silence. 

“Hmm.” Barba sighed looking at the clock. “It’s getting late, wanna head to bed?”

Sonny squinted and avoided his gaze and question. He rocked back on his heels, a tell tale sign that he wanted to discuss one more thing. “Come on Carisi, spit it out.” Barba sipped at his water.

Blush rose to his cheeks and wasn’t that an interesting sight? Seeing himself blush. “I was just wondering if bottoming is more of a physical sensation for you or it's just your mentality."

“May I suggest drinking more water?”

Carisi blushed even harder and even attempted to hide his face under a hand. 

Rafael tried the joke in the first place to stop his _incessant_ blushing. Perhaps it would help him not being so shy here. So if the first one didn’t land he made another.

“You just wanna see how you are in bed, don’t you?”

A giggle escaped his tomato red face. “You know what? Nevermind it was stupid.” Sonny finished off his glass of water and refilled it.

“Aww, come on. Is your self loathing that bad? You’re becoming me, that’s no good.”

A look of confusion colored his face. “Wait. Are you not… opposed to the idea? And that’s usually my line.” He shot back.

Barba waited for a beat of silence to pass and squinted. “I… could be talking into it.”

Sonny stepped forward and crowded his space, tracing his hands Barba’s back to his hips. Nope. He thought he could be convinced, but it’s _him._ He can’t do that. Yeah sure it’s just their bodies, but still.

“Nevermind. I’m tired anyway lets just go to bed. We, have a big day tomorrow.”

His partner slid his hands back up to his shoulders. “Why do you sound like my mom? And yeah, you’re probably right.”

The pair fell into regular motions. Circling around each other while they got ready to go to sleep. For comforts’ sake Barba took his usual side of the bed, the side right next to the alarm clock. Sonny settled to the other side and stayed close to his back as always, a comforting and reassuring mass settled behind him.

Rafael somehow managed to fall asleep while his brain ran a million miles an hour thinking how everything could go wrong.

-

A shrill ringing woke Rafael up, he reached for nightstand but got nothing. A moment later he realized it was on the other stand. Strange. He could’ve sworn he went to bed on the other side. 

He was about to get up and face the fresh hell of a new day, but, he was in Sonny’s body. He didn’t have to go to work anytime soon, he could sleep in. So instead of detangling himself away from his partner, he snuggled closer and managed to whisper to Sonny, “You gotta get up.”

He grunted in response and with a very hoarse voice he replied, “You’re not helping.” 

Rafael felt Sonny escape his octopus grasp and heard him get clothing from the drawers. He could still be dead to the world so Barba wrapped the remaining covers over himself and slipped into the middle of the bed. Ah, here was the true reason Sonny wanted to use his time in this bed instead of getting up. He could use the entire bed in all it’s warm soft glory.

Satisfied he settled back down and began to doze off.

Right on the edge of sleep he heard a loud yelp and a thud. 

Barba seriously considered if it was worth getting up the check out the sound, no doubt it was his boyfriend, but did he really want to know why? No, not really. He can find out later. Fortunately, he didn’t even have to get up. Sonny came to him practically jumping on the bed after he turned on the bedside lamp. At long last he opened his eyes. The sun hadn’t even reached the whole room yet, instead the lamp cast an ethereal glow. 

Straddling his body was Sonny.

_Sonny_ Sonny. 

Barba tried to sit up but couldn’t due to the fact Carisi was basically sitting on him. In awe his boyfriend reached forward and touched his face like he might disappear in any second. Then he ducked down and stuck his tongue in Rafael’s throat. The kiss got dirtier and dirtier as it went along and as much as Barba wanted to continue it, he had to stop it. Lightly pushing at Sonny’s chest he gave one more chaste kiss and broke away.

“Am I---Are we back? To normal?”

Sonny’s red kissed lips split into a smile. “I think so.”

Barba needed visual proof though and not so subtly he pushed his boyfriend to the side. He fell off and collapsed on the bed with the brightest smile on his face. 

Rafael slid into the bathroom and got a look of himself in the mirror. 

It was him. He had the bare resemblance of a 5 o’clock shadow coming in, but Barba was himself again. Paddling in after him was Carisi who leaned toward the mirror to, again, see any fault. When he found none he recaptured Rafael’s face for another kiss. Again, Barba broke it off. 

“That’s it? One day of hell and we’re free?”

Sonny scratched at the back of his neck. “I… guess? I feel fine. What about you, are you okay?”

Barba nodded and fixed himself a glass of water. When he drained it he said, “Yeah. I’m… fine.”

They both turned to the mirror again. “If everything is normal we have to tell the Lieutenant and _you,”_ He clapt Rafael’s shoulder, “Have to get ready for work.”

Their morning was spent like every other one, only it was taken at a snail's pace. Barba kept second guessing himself, he felt on edge. He was scared of it happening again, only this time he feared it won’t be subtle, it would be a sudden change. Fast and frightening. 

Sonny approached Rafael at the door with a thermos of coffee for him. “I can take the liberty of telling Lieu, you can sit back and right all the wrongs I did.”

He took a sip. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. Just--try to make our situation sound believable, okay? I think Liv might think we’ve pulled a prank on her.”

“Hmm.” Carisi squinted. “Nah.”

“You have a lot of faith.”

“I always do. Look, she seemed to believe us at the end. I’ll see what I can do to get the opposite result.” Sonny kissed him goodbye and Barba left for work.

It wasn’t as bad as Barba thought. The judge asked if he was okay yesterday and noted that he went home early. Barba’s excuse is that he got a sudden spell of sickness and had to go home. He told the same to Carmen and she reluctantly let it pass, giving him a sticky note of times to remember. Even when defense attorneys asked they ate up his excuse.

At the end of the day he felt exhausted, he was forced to play catch-up from yesterday which tired him out more than he’d like. Barba collapsed into his chair and sighed, it was nearing the end of the day and he’s hasn’t heard from Sonny for quite awhile. Picking up his phone he texted, _[Hey how’d it go?]_

_[ehh. it could have been a lot worse.]_

_[How so?]_

_[shes… well… frustrated? maybe i’m not sure.]_

_[Are you always this articulate?]_

_[did you just quote Hercules]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes like most cheesy movies, the problem is solved by understanding one another and coming to terms with reality. 
> 
> Sorry how suddenly this ended.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! I had fun writing and characterizing.
> 
> I appreciate any feedback!

**Author's Note:**

> Notice how in the beginning Barba literally woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this so far. I got more to come I just have to clean it up. 
> 
>  
> 
> I appreciate any feedback!


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